his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
