Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize