me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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