paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
