I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
