Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
