i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
