Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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