so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
