I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
