he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize