someone threw a dead crab at me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
