He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
