I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
