He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
