no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
