We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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