Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize
