you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
