she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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