Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
