I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
