When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
