This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
