tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
