dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
