last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
