All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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