I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
