Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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