I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
