I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
