I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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