You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
