So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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