I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
