just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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