sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
