have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
