Dude my mom stole all your condoms
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
