i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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