i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
