Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize