I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize