based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
