Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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