HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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