this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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