Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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