OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
