I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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