2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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