Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
