WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
