This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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