It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
