saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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