Define "chronic" masturbator.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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