how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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