I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
