i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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