I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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