Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
