worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize