dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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