I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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