I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
