I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
