What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
