Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
