Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
