Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
