I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
