his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
